He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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