just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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