I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
