i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
