I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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