that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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