Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
