So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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