So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
