New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
