I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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