May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
