so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
