I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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