Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
