I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
