I'm laying in your front yard are you home
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When are your genitals available?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
