What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
