So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
