Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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