Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
