bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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