I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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