When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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