do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot