i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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