I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
