It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.