Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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  (248): I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow http://tfl.nu/a3vb
  Replies (2) Good night (1313) Bad night (544)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!

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  (502): Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night! http://tfl.nu/a9zw
  Replies (8) Good night (734) Bad night (2692)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cha cha got a haircut

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

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  (814): My cha cha got a haircut (724): thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf http://tfl.nu/cixh
  Replies (34) Good night (1570) Bad night (9426)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9677) Bad night (3539)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

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  (780): I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/nb18
  Replies (8) Good night (3612) Bad night (1037)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger

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  (802): I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger http://tfl.nu/yrot
  Replies (9) Good night (2471) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious

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  (646): still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious http://tfl.nu/u252
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (1684)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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  (508): $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me. http://tfl.nu/si9y
  Replies (16) Good night (2636) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.

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  (479): It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule. http://tfl.nu/n9xy
  Replies (5) Good night (566) Bad night (1327)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that

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  (504): You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that http://tfl.nu/k4ts
  Replies (6) Good night (1386) Bad night (698)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.

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  (203): MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over. http://tfl.nu/zav4
  Replies (1) Good night (862) Bad night (1572)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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  (317): It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion. http://tfl.nu/z4as
  Replies (5) Good night (1112) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.

  (408): View more from California

  Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly

  (1-408): View more from California

  I approve this so hard.

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  (408): Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon. (408): Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly (1-408): I approve this so hard. http://tfl.nu/8gh1
  Replies (4) Good night (1391) Bad night (470)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?

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  (902): I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink? http://tfl.nu/3vlv
  Replies (3) Good night (472) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.

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  (+44): He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up. http://tfl.nu/t0cr
  Replies (1) Good night (1822) Bad night (377)

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