I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!