he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.