i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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