yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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