Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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