They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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