Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
