just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
