you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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