Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
