I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
