I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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