There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
