well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
