im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
