Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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