is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
