And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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