That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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