Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
