You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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