how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
