My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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