hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
