12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
