This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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