I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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