I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
