Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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