HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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