That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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