I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
