THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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