So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
