yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You ruined the universe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize