Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
