They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
