Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
