I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
