I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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