I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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