There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize